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Two parents, four children, and our adventures in food, music and travel.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Joy Quotes
If you don't know Joy well, these may not be so funny. They are all true.
Posted by Faith, but recorded by Greg:
Occurrence #1. Eating a container of cottage cheese: "What kind of cheese is this?"
Occurrence #2. While tasting food, asked me about the other times she'd been caught "anonymously". (Was the catcher anonymous, or the catchee?) (Is "catchee" a word?)
Occurrence #3. Feeling a lump in Faith's belly "Is that the baby?!"
"Well what else would it be, Joy?"
"I don't know...skin?"
Occurrence #4. After being repeatedly laughed at for being ridiculous, Joy went upstairs to read. Not even ten minutes later, Joy returned back downstairs, announcing, "I'm not back, I'm just putting my book away." Joy proceeded to stay downstairs for more mocking.
Posted by Faith, but recorded by Greg:
Occurrence #1. Eating a container of cottage cheese: "What kind of cheese is this?"
Occurrence #2. While tasting food, asked me about the other times she'd been caught "anonymously". (Was the catcher anonymous, or the catchee?) (Is "catchee" a word?)
Occurrence #3. Feeling a lump in Faith's belly "Is that the baby?!"
"Well what else would it be, Joy?"
"I don't know...skin?"
Occurrence #4. After being repeatedly laughed at for being ridiculous, Joy went upstairs to read. Not even ten minutes later, Joy returned back downstairs, announcing, "I'm not back, I'm just putting my book away." Joy proceeded to stay downstairs for more mocking.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Dementia Test
Feel free to post your "score" in the comment area.
Found on the Military Spouse message board:
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so...
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made you own OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
!
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said
ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour? (They want the answer to this statement, not the real answer.)
Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!
Found on the Military Spouse message board:
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so...
Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made you own OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin.
1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
!
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions????? If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said
ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour? (They want the answer to this statement, not the real answer.)
Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get in. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!!
Friday, March 11, 2005
Terribly wonderful
Just the other day, I woke up and looked at my life. Really looked at it. I am a SAHM. A Stay At Home Mom. This is my title. My job description is to clean, care for, amuse and train another human being as though that body were my own. To know when they're hungry, to comfort when sad, to translate a band new, unrecognized language to English.
I have no car to be able to escape to the adult world, so during the winter when it's too cold to walk outside, I cleancareforamusetraincomforttranslate all day, by myself. Toddler speak is my life. Sometimes it's the loneliest job I can think of, and I feel as though I'm turning to mush in body and mind, becoming an Unsocialized. When I laugh too easily, when I get excited about "library storytime" or "Nature's Nursery" at the zoo, when I hunt unashamedly for new friends, I wonder if I've become (gasp!) culturally unjaded. What has become of me? But then I realized a piece of hard truth. This job that I've chosen is to give life. To give love. To give myself totally and completely. To lay down what is me, and immerse myself in the world of another for his own sake.
As he sits on the living room floor (oversized red ski-cap pushing out his little ears), putting stickers on his belly, I know deep down that this is the place that I need to be. His dimpled hands reach up to take my face, kissing me again and again, and I realize that my life is great. When I bake and he insists on stirring ingredients out of the bowl, when I'm cleaning up and he's transferring the sorted, dirty laundry piles from room to room, when he helps me make the bed by tossing carefully arranged pillows to the floor, I know that in all of this I am raising a man. And what could be more important than that?
I have no car to be able to escape to the adult world, so during the winter when it's too cold to walk outside, I cleancareforamusetraincomforttranslate all day, by myself. Toddler speak is my life. Sometimes it's the loneliest job I can think of, and I feel as though I'm turning to mush in body and mind, becoming an Unsocialized. When I laugh too easily, when I get excited about "library storytime" or "Nature's Nursery" at the zoo, when I hunt unashamedly for new friends, I wonder if I've become (gasp!) culturally unjaded. What has become of me? But then I realized a piece of hard truth. This job that I've chosen is to give life. To give love. To give myself totally and completely. To lay down what is me, and immerse myself in the world of another for his own sake.
As he sits on the living room floor (oversized red ski-cap pushing out his little ears), putting stickers on his belly, I know deep down that this is the place that I need to be. His dimpled hands reach up to take my face, kissing me again and again, and I realize that my life is great. When I bake and he insists on stirring ingredients out of the bowl, when I'm cleaning up and he's transferring the sorted, dirty laundry piles from room to room, when he helps me make the bed by tossing carefully arranged pillows to the floor, I know that in all of this I am raising a man. And what could be more important than that?
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Shows I've Been to Lately
As you probably already know, I go to a lot of shows. Here's the latest. Maybe I'll have some pictures up too.
Leahy:
Awesome show. It was my second time seeing them, and they were unbelievable, as usual. We saw them in Rochester. If you ever have the opportunity to see them, you won't regret traveling whatever distance because it is totally worth it.
Psyopus:
I missed seeing them play last summer in New Jersey. This time they actually came to Binghamton, which was nice. Their guitarist, Christopher Arp is one of the best metal guitatists I've ever seen, and he is already endorsed by Ibanez guitars. Definitely an insane band. Check them out if you like tech-metal.
From a Second Story Window:
This was my second time seeing them play, and it was definitely a treat. Total pandemonium, aptly describes these guys. It was often difficult to tell where the band ended and the crowd began because everybody was just jumping all over the place. They played in Binghamton, a week after Psyopus. The other bands they played with were pretty horrible, but it was worth the wait to see FASSW.
I think those are the only shows I've been to in the past two months. The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza is supposedly coming to Binghamton in April, but probably nobody cares. People always tell me they want to find out about shows, so I tell them, but they never come. The Red Chord is coming to Syracuse on April 24th, and Jet is coming to NYC in June, but again, nobody cares.
Sorry for wasting your time.
Gerg
Leahy:
Awesome show. It was my second time seeing them, and they were unbelievable, as usual. We saw them in Rochester. If you ever have the opportunity to see them, you won't regret traveling whatever distance because it is totally worth it.
Psyopus:
I missed seeing them play last summer in New Jersey. This time they actually came to Binghamton, which was nice. Their guitarist, Christopher Arp is one of the best metal guitatists I've ever seen, and he is already endorsed by Ibanez guitars. Definitely an insane band. Check them out if you like tech-metal.
From a Second Story Window:
This was my second time seeing them play, and it was definitely a treat. Total pandemonium, aptly describes these guys. It was often difficult to tell where the band ended and the crowd began because everybody was just jumping all over the place. They played in Binghamton, a week after Psyopus. The other bands they played with were pretty horrible, but it was worth the wait to see FASSW.
I think those are the only shows I've been to in the past two months. The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza is supposedly coming to Binghamton in April, but probably nobody cares. People always tell me they want to find out about shows, so I tell them, but they never come. The Red Chord is coming to Syracuse on April 24th, and Jet is coming to NYC in June, but again, nobody cares.
Sorry for wasting your time.
Gerg
Check Out These Bands
Greg's Weekly Listening List:
Linford Detweiler: Grey Ghost Stories
Del Castillo: Brothers of the Castle
Norma Jean: O' God the Aftermath
Grits: Dichotomy B
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: B.R.M.C.
Squad Five-O: Late News Breaking
Crimson Moonlight: Veil of Remembrance
Antestor: The Forsaken
Old Crow Medicine Show: O.C.M.S.
Chingon: Mexican Spaghetti Western
Scarlet: Cult Classic
Madison Greene: Guinea Greene Style
Decahedron: Disconnection Imminent
Gerg
Linford Detweiler: Grey Ghost Stories
Del Castillo: Brothers of the Castle
Norma Jean: O' God the Aftermath
Grits: Dichotomy B
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: B.R.M.C.
Squad Five-O: Late News Breaking
Crimson Moonlight: Veil of Remembrance
Antestor: The Forsaken
Old Crow Medicine Show: O.C.M.S.
Chingon: Mexican Spaghetti Western
Scarlet: Cult Classic
Madison Greene: Guinea Greene Style
Decahedron: Disconnection Imminent
Gerg
Andrew's Listening Preferences for the Week
Often, when I get home from work, Andrew takes me by the hand, into my upstairs closet, where I keep all of my music. After picking out his selection, we put it in, and he starts going crazy, running around and punching the air like a true rock 'n roller. This is a list of his latest random selections:
The Stivs: The Beat is Loose
Rackets & Drapes: Candyland
Alanis Morissette: Supposed Former Infantuation Junkie
No Doubt: Rock Steady
Luti-Kriss: Throwing Myself
Sarah McLachlan: Mirrorball
The Stivs: The Beat is Loose
Rackets & Drapes: Candyland
Alanis Morissette: Supposed Former Infantuation Junkie
No Doubt: Rock Steady
Luti-Kriss: Throwing Myself
Sarah McLachlan: Mirrorball
Why forwards make me hate
There are people in this world who feel that sending out mass forwards to their friends is endearing, and even appreciated. More people than not, it seems. In case anyone was wondering, sending me any of these unsolicited forwards are fruitless, since I delete them on sight. I REFUSE TO EVEN OPEN THEM. Here are my reasons for my dislike of forwards:
Most likely, no one who sends me forwards will ever read this blog, and so in writing this, it is a classic act of passive aggressive behavior. (Feels good to get it out though!) But for anyone who does send them, and is beginning to feel a little put off by this, let me clarify: If your mom/spouse/sibling loves funny blond jokes, and calls/e-mails you in thanks every time that you forward them something of that nature, than go ahead with your bad self! Also, if you delete "FWD:" from the subject line, as well as all of the crap that goes in front of it (the trail of who's gotten it so far, and how many times it's been forwarded, etc.), and it's something to the effect of totally funny pictures (the "Paws Up" shot is from something like this that Gary Seifert sent me), then once again, go ahead with your bad self. Also, if it's a really great link that you think I PERSONALLY would be interested in (i.e., not your whole address book), then I'll say again -- well, you get the point. Oh, also, one time a friend e-mailed all the girls she knew with this forward about serial rapists/killers putting cop lights on their cars to pull girls over. There was a special number that you were supposed to be able to call to verify that you had a genuine police officer chasing you. When I called my cell phone company and then did a little research online, I found that the info was only true in Canada. So I appreciated the sentiment, and from now on will only pull over in public places (you can simply call 911 to let them know this, if a cop is chasing you), but please, everyone, KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SENDING!!
If you find something funny online and think I'd enjoy reading it, go ahead and send it. Just please, don't mass e-mail me with junk.
So that's what I have to say to the people who won't be reading this anyway. (Effective, don't you think?) =)
- I don't want your junk mail.
- Most of the time, they have no bearing on my life, and are a waste of my time to read.
- They have nothing to do with the sender, and to me it is as if they left me a voicemail of something pre-recorded that has nothing to do with them or me.
- VERY OFTEN, they are those "send this to as many people as you know -- the little girl with cancer will get 3 cents for each e-mail sent!", and somehow everyone believes this, and doesn't believe that there's some bored college kid writing these up and shooting them out, wondering when he'll get it back, and how many people it will get sent to in the meantime. (Has anyone ever called the "genuine" phone numbers at the end of those e-mails to check their authenticity? I have. They're never true, in case anyone was wondering.)
Most likely, no one who sends me forwards will ever read this blog, and so in writing this, it is a classic act of passive aggressive behavior. (Feels good to get it out though!) But for anyone who does send them, and is beginning to feel a little put off by this, let me clarify: If your mom/spouse/sibling loves funny blond jokes, and calls/e-mails you in thanks every time that you forward them something of that nature, than go ahead with your bad self! Also, if you delete "FWD:" from the subject line, as well as all of the crap that goes in front of it (the trail of who's gotten it so far, and how many times it's been forwarded, etc.), and it's something to the effect of totally funny pictures (the "Paws Up" shot is from something like this that Gary Seifert sent me), then once again, go ahead with your bad self. Also, if it's a really great link that you think I PERSONALLY would be interested in (i.e., not your whole address book), then I'll say again -- well, you get the point. Oh, also, one time a friend e-mailed all the girls she knew with this forward about serial rapists/killers putting cop lights on their cars to pull girls over. There was a special number that you were supposed to be able to call to verify that you had a genuine police officer chasing you. When I called my cell phone company and then did a little research online, I found that the info was only true in Canada. So I appreciated the sentiment, and from now on will only pull over in public places (you can simply call 911 to let them know this, if a cop is chasing you), but please, everyone, KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SENDING!!
If you find something funny online and think I'd enjoy reading it, go ahead and send it. Just please, don't mass e-mail me with junk.
So that's what I have to say to the people who won't be reading this anyway. (Effective, don't you think?) =)
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor
Greg found this online:
After every flight, pilots with Qantas (Australia) fill out a form called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P= The problem logged by the pilot.
S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
After every flight, pilots with Qantas (Australia) fill out a form called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
P= The problem logged by the pilot.
S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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