Saturday, December 18, 2004

All about Tiny

In the past two weeks I've started to feel the baby move. At first I wasn't sure, but now there's been times when it's unmistakable. The baby is about 5 inches sitting height (the way they measure them until they're born), and getting stronger and more active all the time, so I know I'll be feeling more than I want pretty soon!

Up until now, it's been very difficult for me to connect emotionally with this baby. I felt bad about it at first, because I was attached to Andrew right away within the first week of discovering that I was pregnant. When I talked to my mom about it, she pointed out that at this point the baby is only making my life more difficult, and I already have Andrew to pour all my attention and love into. She assured me that in time, everything would work out.

Today was the first day that I felt real love for this baby. That sounds terrible, but the only way I can explain is that before now, I've simply felt nothing towards it personally. It's just been a pregnancy, and even that I've hardly been able to really believe, so it's not been all that real to me on any level. Today though, I was sitting in the car while Greg was doing some Christmas shopping. Andrew was sleeping in the back and I was reading a book. Suddenly I felt the baby flip around, and at that moment I felt this pulse of love for the little person.

I can hardly recapture the feeling even now as I write this, but I know that I felt it, and I know that the feeling will grow as the baby does, and soon I will be just as full of love for this person as I am for Andrew.

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