Saturday, July 01, 2006

Ice Cream Cones Are The Worst Invention Ever

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Recently a Ben & Jerry's opened up near where we live, and although we prefer The Marble Slab Creamery, B & J's mailed out "buy one cone, get one free" coupons, so we decided to go. Also, upon retrospect, even considering the money we saved, we would have gotten twice as much ice cream for the same price, had we just gotten Ben & Jerry's pints at the grocery store. Also, it was unfortunate that the coupons were only for cones, because I personally can't stand the thought of eating ice cream from a cone.
First of all, as everybody knows, ice cream cones are made out of either cardboard or styrofoam, and really, who would want to eat anything like that? Secondly, cones are probably one of the most impractical ways to eat a perpetually melting, sticky food that I can think of. Why would I want to "relax" with an ice cream cone, when I have to sit there doing wrist gymnastics and tongue backflips just to keep my beloved scoop from toppling or dripping all over the place? I can say, with great certainty, that I have never been in a state even close to relaxation when eating ice cream from a cone. I recall it being more along the lines of heart-racing-eyeballs-darting-messiness. And forget trying to have a reasonable conversation with anyone, or, God forbid, ordering more than one of these horrible things and trying to make it back to the picnic table alive. And the combination of ice cream cones with children should, as a general rule, never be attempted.
Also, in general, ice cream stands don't increase the size of the cone to correspond with the increasing scoop sizes, unless you pay extra. What?! I have to suffer through a teetering three scoop tower, precariously plopped on top of the same cone that houses a size small? And if I want to have corresponding cone and ice cream sizes, I have to pay more just for the bigger cone?
This is almost too much for me to handle. I think I'll just stick to milk shakes.

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Gracie said...

Man, all I can think of is that your just lucky to even have a Ben @ Jerry's close by! I LOVE Ben @ Jerry's!

a.susie said...

AMEN BROTHER!!! or nephew...or whatever...anyway...yeah, I agree. Add to all that the fact that most of the morons working in these places don't even have the sense to push the first scoop down into the cone so the whole thing has some kind of solid base to sit on!'s just ridiculous!

I would never choose Ben & Jerry's over a place called, "The Marble Slab Creamery"! I would come to visit just for that! In Delaware we had a Cold Stone coffee ice cream I've ever had!

And by the way...that's quite a tanned little blond bruiser you have there! He cracks me up.

Has Sparky learned the Oscar Meyer Weiner song yet for the contest? We started to teach the song to Hunetr and he held up his hand and said very firmly, "NO! I don't like that song!" So much for fame and fortune.

Jill Darling said...

There's also a big difference between eating an ice cream cone in the 100 degree heat and humidity that you have vs. 70 degrees with no humidity in PA/NY. Five drips run down all sides of the cone before the first lick and it's a race to the finish. Whereas up North you get five licks in before one drip. It's definitely more enjoyable in the North.

love -joy- peace said...

Wow, I knew you hated ice cream cones, Greg, but I didn't think that your hate went to such a high level! And most of the time, I love cones, cause they give something extra to the ice cream, wereas you can't eat a bowl.

And yeah, Elijah looks really why is Andrew looking so transparent? (but they're both so cute!)

Pinkey the Axe Fairy said...

yeah, elijah's skin is definitely the darkest of all four of us, and his hair is the lightest. both of those color extremes get more extreme every time we go outside.

a. susie, we haven't taught the boys the oscar meyer song, but i should definitely add it to the bedtime dj mix (me). right now, our playlist is limited to: jingle bells, a-b-c, goodnight my father, my God is so big, once was a boy named david, i've been working on the railroad, and b-i-n-g-o.

Captain said...

Edible ice cream bowls is a great idea!

Keith said...

it's funny that Greg and Elijah have the same look of concern about the whole ordeal!

a.susie said...

yeah, i noticed that keith...what a riot!