Today is the first day of school!!
We were all so excited this morning!
There were no tears shed by anyone, only a few tender hugs at the classroom door, and then big smiles. It's been a long, hot summer, and made all the more difficult by the fact that I've had to do it all mostly alone. I am ever so grateful that Greg has at least been available to visit with us via Skype-video-chat each night before bed, but nothing compares to actually having him come home to us each evening and hanging out together on the weekends.
We have had plenty of fun with friends this summer, but for me, it has often felt like I'm drowning -- just the idea of taking them all to the grocery store is enough to make me feel like I'm going to hyperventilate, but there's that weird thing about food being a necessity and all that...
Lavella's first trip to the salon
All summer, the First Day Of School has been the light at the end of my tunnel -- a tiny glimmer of light, so faint that at times I felt that we might not make it. Each day has been such a struggle that it feels in some ways I have short-changed my children. It's hard to feel like I'm being a good mother when sometimes just looking at them makes me feel trapped and desperate. Sending them off to school today was wonderful, and yet now I worry that over the summer I didn't hold them enough, didn't say "I love you" often enough, didn't take the time to really look at them and listen to their (tireless, endless, detailed!) stories, involve myself in more creative projects with them, let them watch too much tv, read too few books together. I worry that I've thrown away a summer, and now in the business of school, homework, playdates, piano lessons, soccer, church, that we are, in some ways, saying "goodbye" until next summer.
Learning how to play UNO
But such is the beauty of a life of seasons, I suppose. Each new seasons gives us pause to reflect on the tears and (hopefully) smiles of the last, and set good intentions and plans for the chapter ahead of us.