- I don't want your junk mail.
- Most of the time, they have no bearing on my life, and are a waste of my time to read.
- They have nothing to do with the sender, and to me it is as if they left me a voicemail of something pre-recorded that has nothing to do with them or me.
- VERY OFTEN, they are those "send this to as many people as you know -- the little girl with cancer will get 3 cents for each e-mail sent!", and somehow everyone believes this, and doesn't believe that there's some bored college kid writing these up and shooting them out, wondering when he'll get it back, and how many people it will get sent to in the meantime. (Has anyone ever called the "genuine" phone numbers at the end of those e-mails to check their authenticity? I have. They're never true, in case anyone was wondering.)
Most likely, no one who sends me forwards will ever read this blog, and so in writing this, it is a classic act of passive aggressive behavior. (Feels good to get it out though!) But for anyone who does send them, and is beginning to feel a little put off by this, let me clarify: If your mom/spouse/sibling loves funny blond jokes, and calls/e-mails you in thanks every time that you forward them something of that nature, than go ahead with your bad self! Also, if you delete "FWD:" from the subject line, as well as all of the crap that goes in front of it (the trail of who's gotten it so far, and how many times it's been forwarded, etc.), and it's something to the effect of totally funny pictures (the "Paws Up" shot is from something like this that Gary Seifert sent me), then once again, go ahead with your bad self. Also, if it's a really great link that you think I PERSONALLY would be interested in (i.e., not your whole address book), then I'll say again -- well, you get the point. Oh, also, one time a friend e-mailed all the girls she knew with this forward about serial rapists/killers putting cop lights on their cars to pull girls over. There was a special number that you were supposed to be able to call to verify that you had a genuine police officer chasing you. When I called my cell phone company and then did a little research online, I found that the info was only true in Canada. So I appreciated the sentiment, and from now on will only pull over in public places (you can simply call 911 to let them know this, if a cop is chasing you), but please, everyone, KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SENDING!!
If you find something funny online and think I'd enjoy reading it, go ahead and send it. Just please, don't mass e-mail me with junk.
So that's what I have to say to the people who won't be reading this anyway. (Effective, don't you think?) =)